truth or dare, alive and dead, eragon style!
by arussianbashy
Summary: self explanatory, except dead ppl are back and this time there's nothing to stop the destruction their game of truth or dare will cause for the alive...
1. Chapter 1

**In my version, murtagh is gay. Just sayin.**

**There never was a truth or dare that encompassed all my fave chars, so I am about to write one! Be prepared to cringe and laugh! (if my story makes you laugh, you won't be forced...)**

**Cast:**

Arya

Eragon

Izlanzadi

Faölin

Angela

Evandar

Oromis

Glaedr

Saphira

Teruran (Arya's dragon)

Thorn

Murtagh

Nasuada

Galby ;-)

And...

Meeee!11oneoen

**Here goes...**

The throne room at Ilirea had been converted into a large tavern, which currently held a group of very bored people, and somebody had yet to remedy the boredom. Orik came up with the game in the end, much to my amusement. It was Arya's turn to start, playing truth or dare...

Arya: "truth or dare, Eragon?"

Eragon: "oh noes... truth?"

Arya: "how many people in here do you love?"

Eragon: _well, there's Arya, Saphira and murtagh... _"three. And I do believe it's my turn now!"

Everyone collectively groaned as a devilish grin made its way across Eragon's face...

Eragon: "truth or dare, izlanzadi?"

Izlanzadi: "truth

Eragon: "izlanzadi, who do you harbour affection for in this room, aside from Evandar, Arya and teruran?"

Evandar: "no fair! I don't want to know who my wife has been attached to while I've been dead!"

Eragon: "she has to reply in the ancient language, we all took an oath that we would have to tell the truth, sooo..."

Galby and Arya: "oh no..."

Izlanzadi slumped back in her chair, defeated, and murmured, "Oromis."

All (excluding oromis, glaedr, izlanzadi and galby): "EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!"

Galby: YES YES, EBRITHIL! MY TEACHER GOT HIS LEG OVER ON THE ELVEN QUEEN!"

*tumbleweed drifts past, crickets chirp*

Izlanzadi attempted to regain her dignity by posing this question to Faölin...

Izlanzadi: "truth or dare, Faölin?"

Faölin: "truth."

Izlanzadi: "did you ever cheat on my daughter?"

Faölin: "err, n-neve-no-, not ever would I ch- erm, oh no,.. yes...

Izlanzadi (acts all interested): "with whom?"

Faölin: "errm, n-not with w-whom, b-b-but w-w-w-w-hat..."

ALL (excluding Faölin): oh... em... gee... you BASTARD! EWWWWW! THAT'S JUST NASTY!

Faölin runs from the room, sobbing, so Angela took her chance...

Angela: "to all of you, truth or dare?"

[collective consensus: dare]

Angela: "kiss the one you are attracted to the most..."

At that, Arya, nasuada and murtagh made their way towards Eragon, Faölin and eragon to Arya, oromis and evandar to izlanzadi, galby to himself, glaedr to Saphira, and thorn to teruran.

I, for one, just sat there.

Angela: "come on, boy! Which one?"

Me: "erm, hang on..." *pulls out computer glove thingy from mass effect and summons Jenna Jameson*

ALL: "oooh, sexy!"

*due to reasons stated in the terms and conditions of , explicit content and full on sexual themes (rating: MA+) has been censored*

ALL: "wow..."

Glaedr: "_even galby got some action!"_

The games continued, but just as it was my turn, the door burst open and Tenga, of all people, strode in, with a whole contingent of werecats and none other than Grimrr Halfpaw könungr, king of all werecats...

**Ooh, cliffhanger, mofozz!**

**Having fun yet? Ill change the format of speech next chappy, which is hopefully next week providing I don't forget.**

**Sorry about the length, its kinda sh*t but w/e, you'll have better next chappy, pwomise... that is, if I get a read -.- . oh and yeah, R&R. Join the R&R revolution!**

**Love yew all,**

**Shaun.**


	2. wtf? Tenga? Dragonpot?

**HAI ALL! After an extreeemely long gap, (had a run in with someone with the capacity to block my router), AI AM BAKKKKKKK! AND HERE. WE. GOOOO!**

The pregnant silence was so thick, it was deafening to my ears.

"well?" angela tentatively ventured.

"WELL, WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK!" tenga bellowed, his face developing into a malfeasant shade of puce.

"I'm sorry, may I interj-"I started, but was cut off rudely by Tenga, the witchfriend-turned-drug dealer.

"SHUT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK UP!" Tenga roared, throwing his arms up and making several nondescript gestures. I, however, would not stand for such profanity and so, so many expletives. And I so eruditely chose to fight fire, with an unhealthy dose of Trinitrotoluene, plastic explosives, an unholy amount of weaponized uranium, plutonium and a three-stage hydrogen bomb. Oh, did I forget to mention the ICBMs? Sorry.

"NO, YOU! FUCK YOUR BALD-PATED, FORK-TONGUED, DICK SUCKING, ARSE LICKING MANGY DOG ARSEHOLE!" I suddenly yelled, beyond furious at the expletives posted my way.

Silence.

More silence.

Still no noise.

Make some fucking noise, goshdarnit!

I suddenly activated my bioingenium glove computer, dubbed Era-boy 3001, and made a hole full of hydrogen chilled to just above absolute zero, and pushed tenga into it.

"remarkable," king Halfpaw remarked, finally testing the atmosphere of the room.

we (Angela and I) dragged the now frozen tenga from the hole, watching as his body slowly cracked into shards of glassy flesh.

"_indeed_," Teruran, the ever reclusive dragon of the stupid bitch who can't keep boyfriends, spoke into all of our minds.

Silence.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING SILENCE TODAY?

One. More. Sentence. Of. Silence.

"hey guys, let's play truth or dare!" orik yelled. At this point, there was no doubt in my mind that orik was shitfaced.

"My turn, bitches!" I suddenly yell. I feel so accomplished.

"Arya, truth or dare, *_you__stupid__slut*__*_cough*" I asked as she narrowed her eyes at me angrily, but she didn't say anything other than, "thrare!"

Whatthafack?

"both then! Brilliant!"

"NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!"

"Too late now, you have committed!"

"so", I asked, deciding that truth would be first, "are you in love?"

"FUCK YOU!"

"that's not nais..."

"fine... yes!"

"with whom?"

"It was a dare and a question, remember," Arya smirked.

The arrogant part of my brain would not have such blatant disrespect thrown towards me, so...

"fine." I said.

"what is the dare?" she asked with a triumphant smirk. *_coughcough*_stupidbitch_*coughcough*_ won't know what's going to hit her.

"declare your undying love to the person whom you are in love with," I smirked, and let out a bark of sharp laughter as her expression froze, and shattered.

"I'd rather commit suicide."

"Be my guest, slut." I barked, which she flinched at.

"E-Er-Erago-FUCK THIS SHIT!" Arya suddenly yelled, and with that, stalked out of the room.

Or tried to, at least.

She slipped on the shattered shards of Tenga's frozen body, and almost fell into the hole, which hadn't resealed like I had told it to. Then again, it probably sensed a chance to kill that stupid slut.

She would have died if Eragon had not grabbed her by the arms, and pulled her up. Without further procrastination, leaned up in Eragon's ear and whispered those three fatal words. He pulled her into a kiss, and it ended up in another sex fest of sexery and Tenga being swept away by a jizz covered maid.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Ellesmera...

Glaedr, Saphira and Teruran, who had snuck off from the sexfest, not having anyone to get sexy with, sat around a roaring fire. I say fire, I mean a burning village.

_This__dragonpot__is__gooooooddd_, Teruran exclaimed.

_Of__course__it__is,__I__grew__it__myself,_ glaedr said. Somehow, this was funny, and all three pissed themselves laughing, quite literally.

Unbeknonwst to the stoned dragons, an armadillo glared at them maliciously, waiting for revenge...


End file.
